A wife went into the kitchen to find her husband hunting an irritating fly with a fly killer. On seeing this, the wife asked “what are you doing”? He replied, “Well just hunting flies”. She said, Oh I see, “Well have you killed any”? He replied, “Yes”, three males and two females. She then asked, “So how can you define them separately”? He replied, “Oh it’s easy. Three were on a beer can and two on the phone”.
Watch out before eating
My girlfriend happens to be a vegetarian. But she says that just because I eat meat, doesn’t mean that I don’t love animals. And if I really loved animals then I would only be eating vegetables, lettuce and grains. I replied, “Well if you really loved animals, you would never munch on their food”.
Copy, paste and fail. Ouch!
I got caught up for plagiarizing my Essay at university. Even my teacher said that the whole of it had been copied from the internet. It feels so bad when in this kind of situation you can’t even prove them wrong. Especially when your Essay’s front page displays “Click here for more information”.
Three Best Buddies
On their 40th birthdays, three men decide where to meet for lunch. Finally they decide to settle down on the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there are beautiful.
Ten years later, they reach the age 50 and again decide to meet at the ocean View restaurant because the food and wine is excellent there.
At the age of 60, the friends again want to meet at the Ocean View so that they can eat in serenity and cherish the beautiful view from there.
Ten years later, at age 70 the three men again feel like meeting each other and for a quiet lunch at the Ocean View because it has a lift and a wheel chair access.
And then finally when they turn 80, they decide again to meet at the very Beloved Ocean Hill View just because they had never been there before.
A lost dog
An Old farmer is deeply sorrowful as his pet dog goes missing. His wife advices him to put an advertisement in the newspaper. He does so, but two weeks pass with no signs of the dog’s return. The wife asks, “What did you post in the advertisement”? The farmer replies, “Here boy”.
Like attracts dislike
A woman asks her boyfriend, “Why doesn’t your Mother like me?” Boyfriend replies, Well it’s not just you only; she’s never really liked anybody I’ve dated before. I once dated someone who resembled her but that just didn’t work out well. Woman asks, “What really happened?” He replies, “My father couldn’t tolerate her”.
A man writes a letter to the tax department: “I have been unable to sleep knowing that I cheated on my taxes. Therefore, I have enclosed a cheque for$ 200. If I still suffer insomnia, I’ll send the rest.
After attending a party, two men decide to take a short cut through a cemetery to walk back home. On their way, they start hearing spooky noises and tapping sounds from nearby. Trembled and frightened, they soon take a deep breath on discovering an old man with wrinkles, moving to one of the headstones. “You scared us like anything”. We thought you were a ghost or something. One of the men said. ”What are doing here this late”? The old man complained, “Those fools”. “They spelt my name incorrect”.